What Is For Me Will Not Pass Me By

opendoors1As I sit here … staring aimlessly at my computer .. waiting for some words to come, trying to come up with this week’s blog piece, I get to thinking why on earth I can’t bring myself to write about anything tonight. I have just lived through the most hectic couple of weeks, with school holidays, a trip home to catch up with family and beautiful friends. There were even some tough times with the kids in that two weeks that could quite easily become a blog piece about how to NOT handle and respond to your kid’s meltdowns and emotional journeys. I am not quite ready to write that article yet however, I am still sitting with all of that in my own mind. Mulling it over, thinking about how I could have handled things differently. That’s a whole different story, it’s not for today.

So what I think I will talk about today is an opportunity. Over the past few days, I have had to do a lot of soul searching around some opportunities that came my way, all at once of course, in a sequential fashion, like a BAM, like a BOOM and I found myself having to make some pretty firm and swift decisions. All of this came just as I thought I had it sorted, just as I thought I knew what was happening moving forward. I can’t help but feel a bit cynical, that although I am thankful for all of the opportunities I have had, I can never comprehend why they don’t present themselves in a less abrupt fashion and why the hell don’t they come one at a time as opposed to in clusters?

The older and wiser I get the more I realise that opportunity is all around us, ALL of the time. We tend however to just sit comfortably where we are, until we get uncomfortable, then we search for new things and quite often can’t find them, because we are searching, or albeit we end up stumbling across the corridors of open doors that were before us all along, we just chose not to see them.

I had that moment of enlightenment today. Three times in the last couple of weeks I have been given an opportunity which I scoffed at ( I did this in an appreciative way !!), it wasn’t until today that I realised that I didn’t really have any good reason to pass it by. I have therefore grasped this opportunity by the horns and I am running with it and I have no bloody idea how it’s going to turn out, but you know what, I don’t need to know that right now. I need to stop needing to know how everything is going to end up. I strongly believe that we don’t make wrong decisions. Well, not very often anyway and we most definitely do not make them with intention.

Today I learned that no opportunity that is yours to take, will ever pass you by.

Even if you miss it, it will find its way back to you.

Remember, in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were too afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.

Live life with intention and make sure you don’t have any regrets.

If you get a chance take it, and if it changes your life, let it!
Don’t be afraid to try, be afraid to fail and remember if it’s still on your mind it’s worth taking the risk.

Live life to the fullest!

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It is YOUR master piece after all

With Much Love

Ros x

 

 

Fudge you Amy Gray

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I don’t come across many articles that I read that absolutely infuriate me, ones that make my blood boil beneath my skin and every single hair raise on the back of my neck, but yesterday I came across an article that honestly left me exasperated, so much so I feel the need to write about it, to blow off some steam.

The article was written by Amy Gray in the Sydney Morning Herald, it was titled “Anyone who is shocked by women who regret Motherhood isn’t listening”. The article discussed some shared stories of women who had openly divulged that if they had their time over they would not have entered into motherhood. They described motherhood as a ‘thwarted expectation,’ ‘a muscle sapping fatigue,’ and ‘a life lost they would never recover’.

Motherhood was described by Gray as a ‘bum deal’ and she frequently praised these women for their fraught honesty , pointing out that society and how they treat mothers was the problem and not these honest, exhausted mothers. Gray iterates that women are primed from childhood to be mothers through the choice of toys and games and states we are exposed to smiling indulging figures in the books that we read and is quick to point out that males are not exposed to the same. Her statement that, “Society prepares you to want motherhood but it wants nothing to do with helping mothers” is a HUGE one that could warrant a heated discussion.

Well, Ms Amy Gray .. I have a response to your claims and will happily dispute that motherhood is not an ‘apex of discrimination and silencing,’ nor is it ‘a benign glow’ or a ‘life lost never to be recovered’.

I entered into motherhood with no more a notion or a concept of what it entails than other woman I know. There are plenty of women out there, (even some men), who are more than happy to tell you how motherhood is going to be, but nothing, absolutely NOTHING prepares you for it once it’s here. Yes, I do remember holding that wee little baby in my arms, thinking oh my god, I am 100% responsible for you, I have to care for you , make sure you are okay, feed you, wipe your butt , answer your every whim , until a time that I have guided you into independence whereby you can start doing things on your own. I recall feeling VERY overwhelmed by this realisation. I dont recall ever thinking of my role as a curse or a ‘bum deal’.

I also struggle with Grays notion of career suicide. As a mother I feel that all employment opportunities were as open to me as anybody else and that should I have applied I would have been treated fairly and non discriminatorly. I was a nurse prior to having my two children, and I still am a nurse. Prior to having children I was progressing well in my career. I had chosen Accident and Emergency as my specialty and had secured a permanent position in this area. Once I had gained some experience I headed overseas with my husband to be and we had 6 glorious years in the UK where I learnt above and beyond my expectations whilst I worked in Accident and Emergency there. I also stepped right out of my comfort zone and area of expertise, when I was offered the opportunity to manage a clinic. I did this for a few years, before heading home via a Vietnamese orphanage where I volunteered for 2 months all whilst growing my own precious bundle inside me.

More importantly however, a little bit less about what I have done prior to children and more about what I have done since I became a mother. In relation to your claims that Motherhood will reduce your chances of promotion and career advancement I dispute this 100%. In the corporate world I am aware that this may be more prevalent than in my chosen field of employment, however I also believe that we are nowadays more protected by anti discrimination laws, hence the possibility of career suicide through being a mother are somewhat significantly reduced.

If you are willing to wear the sacrifices that one must make in order to advance ones career , I have no doubt that you will get there , mother or not. I know plenty of successful women who have propelled themselves forward within their chosen field even more so once they become a mother. This may be because through becoming a mother, they may have found their passion and the drive and commitment to pursue their dream job or career. Many mothers I know have left the corporate, main stream job roles and started work from home businesses , enabling them to be incredibly financially successful and also have the benefit of being at home with their children and this was not a chosen career path because they weren’t succeeding in their corporate role.
Personally, I studied in my nursing speciality and completed a graduated diploma when my kids were 3 and 4.

I argue that the only limitations that motherhood brings are the ones we create ourselves.

I challenge you Amy Gray and I would like to put forward that Motherhood is a privilege, for ALL mothers. I acknowledge that there are millions of us out there who have had bad days where we would all return the parcel that we were given ‘return to sender,’ but I guarantee you , generally within a matter of hours we get over it and erase that thought from our mind, and when times do get that frustrating and tough, this is when you should be asking for help.

Almost a year ago to the day today I took off for a week with a couple of girlfriends and went to Thailand. I left the kids at home with my husband. I had had a pretty rough start to the year and felt like I needed to go away and recharge, so I took some annual leave from work and arranged for a short getaway. I did this without any associated guilt. It was time that I needed and in order for me to continue being a tolerant good mother I needed to recharge. We all have the right to take this time for ourselves. When we start being mothers we do not stop being people . Maybe this is the conundrum that the regretful mothers have found themselves in. This added with a bit of delusion.

Having children is a very personal usually well thought out decision. There are surprises I know, but generally most women enter into motherhood with the decision made to do so. Be warned however, that if you enter into it with ANY expectation, you will be surprised, maybe even disappointed. Nothing prepares you. Nothing can and Nothing will. When it happens it is what it is, you just go with it and do the best that you can with everything that pops up along the way.
Motherhood isn’t for everybody and I think generally for those whom it isn’t for , they know this very early on and chose not to go down that path.

Motherhood is a privilege and we should treat it justly so. I appreciate and applaud the honesty of these women that have come forward and outright stated that had they known how it was going to be they would not have entered into it . Like any very important decison, you need to do your homework and if they had of done their homework on this one, they would have realised that what was going to happen was not something that could be controlled, measured or given back but in fact, what was going to happen, was totally unpredictable and nobody knows how it’s going to be until they are in it and then you just do what you have to do to get through the day and instead of being remorseful about the way that day turned out, be thankful that you had it.

 

To read Amy Grays Article please click on the following link;
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/parenting/anyone-shocked-by-women-who-regret-motherhood-isnt-listening-20170620-gwusj8.html

 

photo credit proxy project https://proxyprojectresearch.wordpress.com/angry-mom-cartoon/

Sometimes

Mother-and-Son

This week I am sharing with you a letter than I recently wrote to my 10 year old son after  a rather heated discussion with him on the school run one morning.  During this conversation he became quite upset and asked me why i was putting so much pressure on him. As a parent these are hard words to hear as we never want to hear something like that coming from our kids , but i felt very strongly that I wasn’t asking him to do anything that I didn’t already know he was capable of . I was really just asking him to do his best .  I thought writing him a letter and explaining why I thought I wasn’t asking too much of him might help him understand where I was coming from …  

Sometimes when its hard to explain what it is that you want to say , its easier to write it down.

This morning when we had our talk in the car and you told me that you felt like I was putting pressure on you , I had to stop a minute , and take a breath.

Your just a kid , you shouldn’t be feeling pressure.

I have thought about this a bit more since then and I have decided that a kid, feeling like they are pressured , may not always be a bad thing. You see, when we put pressure on ourselves, or feel somewhat pressured by others, sometimes this is when we find out the most amazing things about ourselves. We can find out that we are stronger than we think, that we are capable of more than we think and sometimes this is when our best work gets done.

Besides this, there are different types of pressure. I would never want you to feel pressured into doing something that you felt was wrong. Sometimes you might feel pressured by a peer to do something that is wrong, dangerous, even illegal !!! If you get that funny feeling in your tummy where you think it’s not right .. Listen to that ! That feeling is ALWAYS right ! If this ever happens, this is the time to stand up strongly for what you think is right and stick to your guns.

The pressure that I think you felt I was putting on you today however, to do your best , each and every day , I don’t think there is anything wrong with that pressure. I just want you to make the most of every minute and every opportunity you are given, as like I said .. This is all time we never get back. Now is now and there is no rewind button. I don’t want you to get to the end of Grade 4, Grade 5 or Grade 6 and think, ‘Gee I wish I had of done this or I wish I had of don’t that, or I wish I had of tried harder, I wish I had of played harder, I wish I had of made friends with this dude, I wish I hadn’t of made friends with that dude” , I want you to get to the end of each and every day , lay in your bed at night and think to yourself, ‘That was an amazing day and I really felt like I gave it my best”.

Don’t get me wrong, you will have bad days , maybe some very bad days , but as long as they are a lot less than the great days, everything will be okay. We need bad days every now and then to make the great days seem even greater and when we have a bad day we usually learn something from them. It’s not always obvious what , but believe me, in there somewhere will be a lesson.

There is something very important that I think you need to know and understand. As parents, we always want the best for our children. We always want them to have more than we had, do better than we did . So when it seems that I am asking more of you , I am really just asking you to do your best. I am not asking you to give me anything that you don’t already have. I am your mother, I am fully aware of your capabilities, your strengths, your weaknesses and I promise you that I am guiding you through life in a way which will make you shine. I am not here to show you up , make fun of you or give you bad days. I am here to make sure you share your amazingness with everyone else because anything short of that is not a fair deal.

I think you are amazing Riley Webb. I think you know that I think that , and for the days that you have ever thought that I didn’t think you are amazing, I am sorry. It is my intention every day to make you feel amazing, but when you need to be corrected, it is my very important job to help you with that too and that will always involve a challenge , maybe some No’s and most likely some conversations or situations that you don’t like , but hey little buddy … its all learning.

The minute you were born all you knew how to do was breathe , everything else we learnt together. You are as much a part of this journey as I am and we have to back each other up and respect each other. There isn’t much in this life so far that we haven’t experienced together … but thats all about to change buddy. You are about to take flight. You have already had a few trial runs ( remember on your bike down the hill hehehehehehe).

I am so proud of you Riley Webb. I could not have asked for a more amazing kid. You are kind, the kindest of kindest, you are funny , you are so so smart !
I love you Buddy .. And I just wanted you to know that if I upset you today when I asked you to do your best every day and that I know you can do better than what you have been doing , I can’t apologise for that. I don’t think I did the wrong thing. I think I did the absolute RIGHT thing and I will keep trying to get you to shine as long as I should live, because you little buddy are part of my world and in my world, which has become our world, we only do amazing things. We were not sent here to not do our best. We were sent here to do amazing things. Many amazing things and every now and then we will need to remind each other of this.

A very wise man called Jim Rohn once said, and then an amazing student Jake Bailey then repeated it in one of the most beautiful, insightful end of Year School Captain speeches I have ever heard …

‘Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.’

Not you Riley Webb. Just remember, Not you !

I have attached Jake Baileys amazing courageous end of year speech to this letter as I believe that it is something that everyone should read.

Carry this with you Riley, knowing that all those who love you , especially me, will only ever have your best interests in mind and I will always be here to guide you, help you , whenever you need it.

I know that there will come a time, and that may not be too far away, when I will need to take some very large steps backward and let you continue your journey on your own, but I will do that knowing that at least on the part of the journey we did together , we were a great team, we respected each other, we always shined brightly, we tried our absolute hardest, we conquered some amazing battles , we won some, we lost some and most of ‘all of those days’ were absolutely amazing and I would never have wanted to travel them with anyone but you x

With Much Love

Your Very Proud Mum xx

 

 

 

Purpose

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I think we have all had that moment, where we seem to be spinning around in circles, feeling like we are lost and we end up asking ourselves,
“What am I here for? “
“What is it that you want me to do?”
“What do you want from me??!!”

It can be a pretty scary experience realising that what you thought you were here to do, actually isn’t your passion and it isn’t ticking all the boxes for you anymore.

You can feel trapped, stuck, not to mention totally confused!

Well, fear not people. I think I am onto something!

I truly believe with all my heart that each and every one of us has a life’s purpose.

I believe that we were sent here to partake in and fulfil a destiny that was already pre-planned for us.

Our life’s journey, or living as we know it, with all of its ups and downs, confusion and frustration, is all part of the journey that we need to take in order to discover our TRUE purpose.

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If you had of asked me ten years ago what I thought I was here to do, I would most likely have answered that I was here to be a nurse and a mother.I would have defined those two things as my whole central being. Through getting to know myself and finding that thing that makes my blood sizzle and my heart race .. Not only do I believe that I am here to do a fantastic job at those two things, but I am also here to do an amazing job at being ME !

If you were to ask me that question today, I would tell you that I am here to make a difference, to leave an imprint and to help people find themselves. How I do that is through my own experience, my voice, my existence and my ability to express my thoughts in words that people can relate to and understand.

I am here to write and to share. I am here to make sure that all those around me stay true to themselves. I am here to ensure that they realise that the first person they must know and love in this crazy world in order to be able to understand and believe in anything else, is themselves.

These are the things that make me feel alive. These are the things that make me happy and content.

I have sadly spent the majority of the last 10-20 years repressing them. These desires and passions have always been there, but I kept packing them down. Pushing them deep beneath the surface because they didn’t make any sense to me at the time and they certainly weren’t going to make me a million bucks! The funny thing is, being a nurse and a mum wasn’t going to make me a million bucks either but being a nurse has paid the bills, but finding myself and making sure that I am doing the things that I love and feel passionate about … well I know it sounds a bit cliché…but to me, this soul-searching is priceless.

Since I have listened to my inner voice and pursued my deepest passions, I have met THE most amazing people.I have had people pop up in my life that I would never have expected, not in a million years, to me, these people are all part of the plan.

Listen to yourself, listen to those you hold near and dear, even listen to your harshest critics and those who kick you down given the opportunity. One of my closest friends is my harshest critic, but I love her to bits and she keeps me on the strait and narrow and tells me exactly how it is. It hurts sometimes, but after I deal with it, I grow in the most amazing of ways.

These beautiful people who I have happened to come across, they are all meant to be there. If you just take the time to sit and think about it, it all makes total sense.

So my advice to you is this ….

When you find yourself spinning out of control , when you are at that crossroad and you don’t know which way to go … this is the time to make the big calls, the BIG decisions. This, I believe is the Universe trying to guide you. You either hear it or you ignore it. There are no wrong decisions. Just remember though that there is no change without change and most changes require risks.

As a child we take so many risks and grow so much because of it, then something happens and we stop taking them. We take comfort in our safe comfortable space. Its great to hang out there for a while, but then things start spinning, this is your sign that its time to move on .. Change something ! The Universe is there to whoop your ass and get you out of there to keep heading towards your true purpose. How will I know when I have found it you ask …. ?

Trust me, you just will.

 

My Wish For You …..

May you lay beneath the stars and feel that each and every one of them is shining for you

May you fall asleep at night with the last thought being of something amazing, so amazing that you can’t actually fall asleep

May you feel the grass beneath your feet and feel alive in that very moment

May you smell the scent of summer, autumn, winter and spring

May you watch a Sunrise and a Sunset all in the same day with the same amazing person

May you have to think so hard about a decision that you cannot sleep and you walk aimlessly around the streets, pondering, wondering, deciding, and at the end of it all realise that this was one of the most important and right decisions you have ever made

May you learn to spot the good friends and the bad friends and spend most of your time with the good — they deserve it

May you learn that you can change your mind about who you are and what you want to be

May you take risks …. many many risks and come out unharmed but not unchanged

May you swim underneath a waterfall and appreciate all of the amazingness Nature has to offer

May you look at big mountains and think “wow I would love to conquer it” rather than “it looks too big for me to climb”

May you take courage with you wherever you go and face your fears with boldness

May you fall in love not once, but twice, maybe even three times because every time will just as wonderful as the first

May you travel to all the places you want to go and find new gems in the process

May you feel able to help all of those who need help but not at the expense of your own well being

May you learn the wisdom to say what needs to be said and learn when to be silent

May you find someone who appreciates you for all the amazingness that you are , someone who will nurture you and bring out the best in you

May your stomach ache from laughter and tears roll down you cheeks for the same reason

May you hold onto that person who is able to make you laugh that wholeheartedly, and laugh with them forever

May you always know that I love you , with my whole heart , and that I am here for you for eternity

Ros xx

photo credit : playwiththeworld.com

Sing Song Showtime !

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So .. I thought that it was about time that I popped up a blog, as promised, about that amazing and exciting thing that I went to a few weekends ago. It seems like a lifetime ago already , but one thing that has stayed with me since then is that I have discovered something that I can carry with me absolutely everywhere and when I use it , it brings about an overwhelming sense of happiness !!  This wonderful little thing , is my voice !!

On Sunday May 7th I attended a Sing Song Showtime Master Class with Clare Bowditch and approx 100 other very excited/nervous strangers ! This masterclass is both for those people who can sing , but also for those who think they can’t . Clare is of the belief that everyone who can talk can sing. So with that in mind, I thought I would give it a go. I must admit I did go along to the class thinking that the wonderful Clare would spend time with us teaching us ‘how to sing’ but it was less about that and more about finding the courage to stand up and have the confidence to share your voice with others. Funnily enough I didn’t seem to have any trouble doing that ! I was super proud that we managed to belt out in front of an audience of our family and friends,  ‘You Make Me Happy’ written by the lovely Clare herself, “Let it Be’ by Paul Mc Cartney and last but not at all least, ‘You’re the Voice’ by John Farnham !

Something surprising however that came from this day, was the realisation at how happy singing made me feel. When I was singing I was truly thinking of nothing else and I felt immensely happy. I am still not sure if I am a great singer or not, but what I do know is that I am going to keep singing my heart out, in the shower, around the house , simply because it makes me happy ! I may even take it that one step further and have some singing lessons !

My advice to all of you out there would be to get back to those things that make you happy. I have no doubt that we all got around singing when we were little kids .. all kids sing  ! It would have been that ONE comment, that ONE person who one day said “would you please shut up, that is rubbish !”, or “who has got the cat’s tail !!”, that silenced us … and singing should never be silenced !

My next plan ….. a singing flash mob ! Watch this space !

Have a beautiful day Everyone x

Be Bold

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In a few days time I am going to embark on a new adventure and throw myself into something that I have talked about for many years, but never got around to doing it . Admittedly I am scared shitless. Every time I think about it I get butterflies and I start to feel a bit queazy. A couple of times over the past week I have even ALMOST come up with a myriad of excuses not to go. I don’t want to spoil it and let you all know what it is that I am doing, but I look forward to sharing the whole day with you on my blog on Monday.

I think its important that I share with you the defining moment that I decided this “thing that I am doing” was a great idea. As you know I have kids right ? I spend a lot of my parenting time teaching them about self belief, confidence and explaining to them that its important to give everything in life a go, otherwise you are not living. I think that it’s so important that the ‘Innocents’ as I like to call them , get in all the life experience they can before they start being told no. You see I think that is what happens to the best of us. As we grow up we start listening to our friends, our peers, society etc and we stop doing things. We stop believing we can and we start worrying about what other people might think. I am guilty of this myself, maybe more than anybody, but I have decided that living like that is very self limiting and I have decided plain and simple that it’s going to stop.

Sitting back and thinking about things rarely if ever, gets you anywhere. I have decided that in order to appreciate life fully and give it what it deserves you must be BOLD. What do I mean by bold you ask … well here goes a few examples .…

Get on with what it is that will get you springing out of bed every morning.
Life is too damn short for ‘I am going to,’ or ‘I might’ or ‘I should’. The Mantra of I WILL , will serve you much better ! Life is a blessing. A Gift. Everyday you get is a gift ! Do something amazing every chance you get !

I don’t consider myself to have always been a ‘doer’. I tend to overthink things and talk myself out of a lot of things before I even get to the start line. However, something happened in the last 12 months that totally changed the way I went about my world. I can’t tell you what the exact defining moment was, but I do know that I can tell you that I did make a conscious decision to start living instead of just existing.

I currently work in a job that hadn’t even crossed my mind a year ago. I spent almost a decade thinking of a move to another state then in the blink of an eye up and did it a couple of years ago and prior to that, with two kids under 5 I went back to Uni and did a graduate diploma to secure a job that I had always wanted to do … and as it turns out I could only do it for a few years as it was pretty much redundant when I moved to Melbourne. The old me would still be sat there contemplating that Diploma and in regarddon’t to the move I would have found someone who was close to me to talk me out of it and that almost happened !

You really need to throw chance to the wind. If you love someone , tell them. Even if you don’t think it’s going to be reciprocated. If you love them don’t you think they deserve to know ? Stop telling yourself all the reasons as to why you shouldn’t and just do it. If somebody does something that you think is amazing TELL THEM ! We all like to be recognised for our achievements, by telling someone that you think they are amazing you could really change their day. For some reason the older we get the less we compliment people or recognise their achievements.

Coming into your own is a scary feeling. When you sense that feeling of change , one of the most bewildering feelings is if you embrace and accept the change who will come with you ? Where will everyone go ? Well, let me let you in on a little secret .… The great ones will stay and travel with you wherever you go. There will be casualties you will lose them along the way because they are not serving you anymore and you are not serving them. The exciting thing is, is that it creates this amazing creative space for all of these new wonderful people in your life and believe me if you are open to it they will come along ! Tomorrow I am doing a workshop with 30 total strangers. I know in my heart that I will leave having made one more friend for life.

So go forth people. Be bold ! The growth, guidance and strength you’ve been seeking is on the other side of the pain that you keep trying to run away from. If you don’t change nothing will change. Seek contentment and when you find it you will have found yourself. Just don’t sit there quietly once you have found it though, as you have found your place. You have arrived home and its now time to start living .